I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
