I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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