Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
