worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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