I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
