I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
