Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just high enough for therapy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
