so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
