Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
