Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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