Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
