So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
