My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
