A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
