He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
