Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
