We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
