Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He shit in the fireplace
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
the raccoons are back...
Randomize