everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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