I never want to see another naked old woman again.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
