Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
