Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
