so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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