Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
