I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
