why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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