Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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