My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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