I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
