can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Every concussion has its silver lining
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
