she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
