lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
