Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
