i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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