waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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