I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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