I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
