At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
