Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
