I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
