Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
