suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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