Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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