Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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