Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
