Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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