I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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