I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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