The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
