perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
