No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
