Duck Duck Cougar?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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