No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
