I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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