Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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