All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
