i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
