just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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