you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
