i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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