9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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