I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
