So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize